


ever since the rain

by jxxhyxns



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: (but you didn't hear that from me~), Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Childhood Friends, Friends to Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining, Post-Nuclear War, Prophetic Dreams, Psychic Abilities, Religious Fanaticism, Slow Burn, Technically..., Telepathy, characters tagged as they appear x, totalitarianism
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-09-14 19:54:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16919352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jxxhyxns/pseuds/jxxhyxns
Summary: Yet, even now, there are days when he wakes with a name on his lips like a prayer; the memory of a promise and the salt of tears clinging to his lashes. There is still a child inside of him that dreams of rescue or reunion. That dreams of Daniel.Or ― in a world poisoned from the fallout of nuclear war, the authorities are devoted to preserving what they believe to be normal and natural. Jihoon finds his life overturned and his future taken from him, all because of how he was born. Taebaek House seems like a second chance at life, but Jihoon has always been suspicious of mercy from the unforgiving.





	1. prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Author's Note at the beginning of next chapter.)
> 
> *inspiration for the prologue from Hannah Kent's _Burial Rites_

 

 

_“...They poured from the poisoned cities in droves and we could not, dared not, welcome them. Even before the first arrived, we had seen the sky whiten and understood it meant death. Theirs or ours, it seemed. That, or all of us. Now there are only stragglers, poor wretched things who travel across the dark wastelands in search of any fragment left untouched, untainted by the lingering radiation rained on our world from above. Some here have banded together to form a council of sorts. I suppose we are in need of leaders if we should ever hope to see peace supplant this chaos…”_

 

**― ANONYMOUS extract of a journal dated from the Time of Wrath;**

the sole copy of which was last believed to be

in the personal collection of Ong Seongwu

before it was destroyed by the Order.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

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**Public Notice**

 

The following is to notify the residents of Maru and surrounding villages that an auction will be held on the 31st of this month for those valuables of the Park Family that have been deemed by the Order as safe and appropriate for redistribution. There is one horse, a pair of goats, various poultry, a saddle, a bridle, as well as an assortment of furniture and dishes and so on. All this will be sold should a decent offer be presented. All valuables will be awarded to the highest bidder. If the auction is not possible due to bad weather, it will be cancelled and held the next day, weather permitting.

 

DISTRICT COMMISSIONER

Ahn Junyoung

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

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_To Reverend Brother Lee Seokhoon,_

 

_I trust this letter finds you well and thriving in your administration of the One’s work in Maru._

 

_It is my wish to commend you on your most recent disciplinary report, regarding the proceedings that took place on the 29th of last month. The efficiency with which yourself and your acolyte, in cooperation with the local Soldierguard contingent, dealt with the regretful social disturbances perpetrated by the Park family is also to be commended. As for the child, it is my understanding that he, too, has been dealt with._

 

_If I may speak honestly, the strength with which the Old Ways persist in the outlying regions brings significant distress to us, and the One has made it known to His Order that the continued practice displeases Him. As you well know, those that practice such ways epitomise the arrogance and conceit that brought upon the Oldtimers His Wrath and their ultimate demise. It will not do for the Time of Wrath to be forgotten, nor should we allow the progression of time to breed complacency. Even now, we still receive His divine punishment amongst each new generation. For the good of the people, seditioners must be made an example of. Hence why it is with relief and thanksgiving that your report was received._

 

_Of particular interest to the Order, was the level of public engagement observed during the proceedings. A subject upon which you noted there was little opposition, even with the grieving child in their midst, though there could also be little said in the way of enthusiasm either. It is preferable that, when such things are undertaken for the good of the community, that the community itself would celebrate the purification they have received, but by the same token, the absence of unrest amongst the population should not be taken for granted. Nonetheless, these things can change quickly, and it is advised that yourself and the District Commissioner would be especially sensitive to the temperament of the people in the coming weeks. We do not want another repeat of Ong Seongwu. Though the incident with which you would, of course, be familiar was some years ago now, it still remains a thorn in our side, and by extension, that of the Council._

 

_May the One bless and keep you until our next meeting._

 

_With regards, Brother Han Dongchul_

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

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**NAESEO DISTRICT COURT - Judicial Assessment of Normalcy #69120**

_The Council v PARK, Jihoon [Y112]_

 

Presiding Judicial Officer: Byun, KH J

Informant: [REDACTED]

 

Based on the compelling evidence submitted by [REDACTED] as to the unnatural foresight attained by the defendant, and the witness of the Soldierguards present at the incident on the 29th, the Court rules the defendant incapable of attaining the appropriate legal status as would allow him to maintain integration with the community at large upon reaching the age of majority. According to ss.26(5) and 27(1B) _Proclamation for the Preservation of Normalcy and Social Cohesion [Y96]_ the defendant shall have his Certificate eligibility rescinded and henceforth be listed on the _Federal Misfit Register_. In the interests of mitigating inexpedient influence and in keeping with the specification in Schedule 4 of the aforementioned Proclamation, the Court orders the defendant to undertake an indefinite term of manual labour in service of the Council, the nature of which is at the discretion of the District Commissioner.

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

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**Application for Transfer**

 

Name: PARK, Jihoon

Misfit Registry Number: 1571

 

The applicant, TAEBAEK HOUSE, seeks an order from the Court allowing the transfer of Misfit #1571 from his current place of residence under the supervision of the state to the care of TAEBAEK HOUSE, according to the Y103 Agreement.

 

The applicant submits that the current ill health of Misfit #1571 renders him incapable of attending to the whitestick harvest by which he has worked in service of, and in penance to, the Council since his indictment and reclassification 4 years prior.

 

The applicant further submits that he henceforth be entered into the rehabilitative program of TAEBAEK HOUSE. The resident Doctor of which has, for a number of years, been working with the support of the Council in his endeavour to restore persons such as Misfit #1571 to full health according to the standards stipulated in the _Proclamation for the Preservation of Normalcy and Social Cohesion [Y96],_ such that reintegration into society might be considered in the long term.

 

**Application Status: APPROVED**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> saw the 'dystopian worlds' suggestion for Day 5 of @nielwink_month and sort of just went for it....  
> this fic is a little bit outside my comfort zone writing-wise, and my first chaptered fic too for that matter, but I like a challenge so~ we'll see how we go!♡♡
> 
> Massive thanks to LillithEvans for being the loveliest and most patient beta I could ask for♡♡
> 
> *Disclaimer: heavily based on _Obernewtyn_ by Isobelle Carmody -- I was doing a reread and unexpectedly saw an opportunity for Nielwink in an aspect of the Jes/Elspeth conflict. If you're familiar with the novel, you'll know that Jes and Elspeth are siblings but I can assure you that that is not the case for Daniel and Jihoon here >.<

As far as hiding places go, the orchard offers little variety in spite of all the trees there are to choose from. Beyond the frantic thud of his heart and the blood rushing in his ears, it is difficult to hear anything else, but Jihoon still keeps his ears peeled for even the slightest sign of an approach. The rustle of leaves, the snap of a twig, the heavy breathing of someone who has exerted themselves winding through the grove of trees for the last hour.

 

With hands clutching tightly around rough bark and sensation in his backside steadily becoming a distant memory, it’s not exactly comfortable where he is perched up amongst the branches, but his knowledge that all the others have already been spotted fuels his eagerness to stick it out, to see how long he can remain unfound. The other kids in their village have never been as good at hiding as Jihoon, but no one has ever been as good at finding Jihoon as Daniel.

 

Casting his mind out, feeling giddy and reckless at the thought of victory, Jihoon seeks Daniel out, only to find he is closer than expected. A hint of peach at the edge of the apple grove.

 

He shouldn't be doing it, at least that's what his mother says. But it's so, _so_ easy to let his mind take flight; it comes so naturally to him that he is as loathe to refrain from it as if he were told to stop breathing.

 

Even this, Jihoon knows, as he feels the way Daniel’s consciousness dithers at the treeline ― even this is barely brushing the extent of what he has found himself capable of; to know the minds of others as his own, to speak and be understood yet go unheard by their ears.

 

His parents have long taught him to ensure his welcome before touching others, be it their hand, their face, or their mind, but in this particular aptitude, they have also warned him of the danger to himself. The danger that comes when those who do not understand something fear it, and let that fear drive them to do and allow unspeakable things. Thus, it is something Jihoon cannot share with others, not even Daniel, no matter how dearly he wishes to. He must keep this to himself, just as he does the dreams.

 

Jihoon retracts the probe he had sent out in search of Daniel and it comes back unheeded. Soon enough, the crunch of leaves underfoot can be heard, loud in the relative silence of the orchard.

 

As if his thoughts have summoned him, Jihoon catches sight of a dark head of hair, features obscured intermittently by the leaves as he moves ever closer with slow, meandering steps. Anticipation bubbles up in young Jihoon’s chest and it nearly chokes him as he suppresses an excited giggle and clutches his stout limbs tighter around the trunk of the tree, laboring to keep his breathing even as he watches Daniel approach.

 

Daniel's ambling pace does not fool Jihoon; the younger boy knows he has been as good as found, but he holds his breath nonetheless as he gleefully listens to the lamentations of the boy who has now taken pause at the base of Jihoon's tree.

 

“It's always our Jihoonie last, huh……How come he's so good at this game?" The sullen theatrics propel Daniel to spin in a defeated circle, arms listless as he leans back against the trunk.

 

“Will I have to check every single tree?" Daniel groans before tilting his head up to stare straight at where Jihoon is perched. “What do you think, should I check every tree?”

 

“You should check every tree," Jihoon affirms cheekily with an emphatic nod of his head.

 

“I like this tree though…The apples are more interesting here. They talk.”

 

“I'm not an apple!”

 

Daniel feigns a jump of surprise at the exclamation. “Who said that? Jihoon…is that you?”

 

“It's me, Niel! I'm not an apple!”

 

“What are you doing up there in that tree if you're not an apple?" Daniel inquires skeptically, continuing the charade, much to the young Jihoon's amusement.

 

“Hiding from you, of course!”

 

“Hiding from me?”

 

“Yes!”

 

“Well you're not doing a very good job of it. I think I've found you.”

 

Jihoon heaves a sigh and glumly agrees. “I think you have.”

 

“Come on, sun down is soon. I don't fancy getting home in the dark.”

 

“I still win, right?” The younger boy makes his appeal as he scrambles down. “‘Cause I was last.”

 

“As long as I win too for finding you.”

 

“But you always find me.”

 

“And you’re always last,” Daniel counters before turning to head back the way he’d come, expecting Jihoon to follow.

 

There is no shuffle of footsteps behind him, however, and Daniel turns to find Jihoon still standing where he was. The boy has his arms raised plaintively and a pout on his lips. Daniel knows what that look means. He gives in, as he always does, even though he is the one who has wandered high and low in search of the other all afternoon.

 

Daniel grunts as he shifts Jihoon’s weight so he can more easily carry him on his back. Everytime they do this, Jihoon promises he’ll return the favour when he’s older and bigger and stronger. It’s sweet; but until then the task falls to Daniel.

 

The sweet summer breeze swells around them as they make their way home, as if to keep them in their own little world, bringing with it the whole-hearted contentment that comes with knowing nothing will ever change this. Change them.

 

The other kids have always been a little unsettled by Jihoon, though he cannot figure why. But not Daniel. The older boy whom he can confidently call a friend has always been kind to him. Daniel has always been generous in spending his time with Jihoon despite the couple years age difference, and is often successful in entreating the other kids of their village to join in on their games too. Jihoon couldn’t care less whether they did or not, as long as he has Daniel.

 

“ _Niel_ …” Jihoon mumbles from his place on Daniel’s back, far more comfortable than his perch had been up in the tree.

 

“Yes?”

 

“How did you find me so easily? There were so many trees I thought for sure it would take you _ages_ ,” he whines.

 

Daniel doesn’t answer straight away. He tightens his grip where he holds Jihoon below his knees and sighs. “I’ll always find you, wherever you are. No matter how long it takes me. You don’t have to worry about that.”

 

Rosy-cheeked, Jihoon buries his face into the crook of Daniel’s neck out of shyness. It’s not the answer he was looking for but he knows, even then, that those words will never leave him. The promise settles in his heart with all the feeling of a familiar embrace, of sinking into one’s own bed, of coming home.

 

As the two boys reach the crest of the hill looking down into the valley of their village, the shadows of the night begin to creep in, suffocating the last of the daylight.

 

The scene changes. Warps. Darkens.

 

Jihoon is a few summers older now, and before his eyes is the ransacked shell of his home. He stands, frozen, beside Daniel as he attempts to take the sight in. Windows broken, herb garden uprooted and overturned, the to and fro of Soldierguards as they exit the house to throw yet another possession onto the pyre that has been lit out the front. Their pot-metal armbands glint each time they approach the flames as if to remind Jihoon just whose power has come down upon his family with an iron fist.

 

They drag his mother out first, by her hair. He can’t see her face.

 

His father follows at swordpoint.

 

His parents do not see him, they do not look for him. Soon enough, others will.

 

Jihoon feels a yell rip from his throat but he does not hear it. All he feels is Daniel’s hand clasped tight around his, holding him back, grip strong, stronger than he remembers, and burning hot. When he looks down, he sees flames beginning to lick up his forearm from where their hands are joined, but Daniel will not let him tear his hand away, instead forcing him to watch as the flickering tongues of orange and yellow consume him all too slowly in spite of their eagerness. Searing pain overtakes him until it is the only sensation that remains. As if it's all he's ever known.

 

Jihoon screams.

 

And then ― Jihoon wakes.

 

He wakes to bare stone walls, to a cracked ceiling, to cold toes that are not his own. As his thundering heartbeat slows and his shuddering breaths even out, the icy dread of premonition still aches deeply in his bones, a stark contrast to the terrible heat that devoured his consciousness only moments ago.

 

One of the younger boys with whom he shares a room has slipped under the threadbare blankets of Jihoon’s own bed, seeking comfort. Jihoon does not have a fondness for icy toes digging into the vulnerable flesh of his calves but he does have a fondness for Kuanlin, so he lets the other boy do what he likes so long as none of the Guardians catch them. It wouldn’t do for such a show of closeness to be observed, even if it is only out of a desire for reassurance amidst the crack of lightning and rumble of thunder.

 

But as Jihoon comes to his senses, he realises that there is no storm overhead, lashing against the old bluestone walls of Taebaek House. His heart squeezes then, not out of grief as in his dream, but out of affection as he realises that Kuanlin’s presence is for Jihoon’s benefit, not his own. Either he had cried out in his sleep, or it was the rampant emotions of the dream itself flooding through him that had woken Kuanlin.

 

Warmth like that of a hearth fire encompasses him, seeping into the marrow of his bones. Whether it’s because Kuanlin has become better at projecting emotions not just receiving them, or simply from the way he has tucked himself into Jihoon’s embrace, the lingering fears that normally preoccupy Jihoon after waking from such a dream are banished. In their place, a resounding insistence that he is safe and loved and, artificial or not, it is that comfort that lulls him back into a dreamless sleep.

 

When he wakes again, Kuanlin is still occupying more than his fair share of the narrow bed and the third occupant of their room, Woojin, is eyeing Jihoon a little tersely, hair still wet against his forehead from his recent trip to the washroom. Jihoon doesn’t need to hear his thoughts to know what the other boy is thinking. They know each other well enough by now. Jihoon suppresses an eye roll of his own, biting back a chagrined offer to trade Kuanlin’s unsolicited companionship for Woojin’s presumably untroubled sleep.

 

Woojin knows of Kuanlin’s fears just as he must know of Jihoon’s dreams. He’ll get over it. It’s fortunate for Jihoon that he and his roommates have more in common than not.  More, even, than the reason they’ve all been condemned to this, than the label thrust upon all those deemed an ill fit for their society. _Misfit_.

 

His friends ー after over a year, he feels inclined to call them as such, no matter how risky ー know of his dreams but not their specific contents. Jihoon hasn't told them and they haven't asked.

 

Though Woojin too, like most of them, sometimes finds his sleep entangled with images and impressions that haven’t yet come to pass, it is not the true dreams that trouble Jihoon. Instead he is afflicted by memories that turn sour, or worse ー the remembrance of events just as they had occurred, in such crystal clarity it is like he lives them once again. There is a discernible difference between dreams that are just dreams and those that are more, and Jihoon has learned the hard way how to distinguish between the two. While he classes his most recent nightmare as the former, he cannot shake the sense that it somehow falls into the grey area of premonition, somewhere between dream and truth.

 

All the residents at Taebaek House have their sob stories, their reasons for having ended up here in the mountains, but Jihoon has never felt the need to share all the details of his, preferring not to think of those people or that village altogether. After all, there is nothing to go back to. He simply wishes his subconscious would stop clawing him back into the past every time he closes his eyes.

 

To the best of his ability, he has tried to let go. Only once his hands are free from the burden of the past will he be able to attempt to grasp the future; _his_ future. To tear it from the grip of those who have taken it from him into their own hands. To steal it back and try to fashion it into something he wants; something worth surviving for.

 

Yet, even now, there are days when he wakes with a name on his lips like a prayer; the memory of a promise and the salt of tears clinging to his lashes. Though events have forced him to mature far more quickly than most, there is still a child inside of him that dreams of rescue or reunion. That small part of him that wonders where Daniel is now and hopes to see him again, despite the odds.

 

Daniel was barely fourteen, and Jihoon a couple of summers younger, when they parted. By now, Daniel would have gained his Certificate and entered adulthood, a life unlike the one they shared together playing around in the orchards, down by the stream, and in the yard of the schoolhouse. If Jihoon allowed himself, he would wonder whether Daniel followed his father into carpentry. Whether Daniel still finds the time to feed the stray cats that would come nosing up to him with affection he returned tenfold. Whether Daniel ever thinks of Jihoon at all, even a little.

 

But those thoughts belong to a past that is starkly divorced from Jihoon’s present, and to a future that no longer belongs to him, so it is of no use spending time in contemplation of such things when Jihoon should be focusing instead on the plans they have begun to weave in confidence, and in secret, here in the now. Plans that will only succeed if he has a strong grip on the reality of things, only ever looking ahead through the lens of pragmatics.

 

It is only in the brief moment between sleeping and waking that Jihoon is defenceless enough for that nostalgic kind of hope to find a foothold. Like the flicker of dark from light when a sudden draft threatens a guttering candle, it's in such a moment when hope’s seed seeks to grow ー before Jihoon, ruthless and efficient, uproots it as soon as the tendrils of sleep leave him, determined never to be defenceless again.

 

Hope, he has learned, is a far more dangerous stranglehold than fear.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Breakfast at Taebaek House is not a social affair, but even so, there is a conspicuous absence from their table that is difficult to ignore. It’s possible that she has been allocated to a later meal slot, or has been reassigned to kitchen duty. It’s possible.

 

But Jihoon remembers the expression on Somi’s face when she returned from her last appointment with the Doctor, or rather ― the complete absence of it, and he cannot help the unease that coils in the pit of his stomach. He makes a note to reach out to Daehwi later in the day. If anyone knows where she is, it will be him. It’s times like these that he wishes he could simply extend his thoughts in search of her himself, but to do so would be dangerous with a mind so sensitive to intrusion.

 

Across from him, Kuanlin looks paler than usual, no doubt processing the anxiety simmering in everyone else on top of his own, and so for his sake, Jihoon tries to temper his worries by resolutely looking away from the empty seat where one of their friends should be.

 

Nonetheless, he finds his eyes drawn to another source of concern.

 

Jihoon watches as Jieqiong tucks a strand of hair behind her ear with a sigh. She is more quiet than usual, picking at her rice porridge, and he knows that it is the changing of the guard that has her down. To an extent, they’re all disheartened by it, aware that it will set them back weeks, at the very least, until they can familiarise themselves with the new security detail. Learn their habits and their weaknesses. With whom they can establish a tentative trust so long as it serves them, and who has to be watched carefully. Jieqiong, however, is taking it harder than the rest of them, though she tries to hide it.

 

Jihoon feels a little sorry for her, because he knows she hadn’t expected to reciprocate when one of the Soldierguards had become sweet on her. None of them had expected it. He was young, as young as those he was employed to keep in line, and perhaps a little kinder than his rough exterior had let on. He’d made a habit of slipping her extra food after mealtimes and would influence the work allocations so that she would not have to toil outside when she was unwell.

 

They’d seen his weakness for what it was and wanted to take advantage of it. Although not high-ranking in the slightest, any information that could be garnered about the movements of the Guardians or the state of affairs outside the mountains was useful.

 

They simply hadn’t anticipated that Jieqiong would have ended up emotionally invested. Clearly, she could see something in him, something redeemable, that Jihoon couldn’t. The idea of it sets his teeth on edge, that any one of them, having suffered at the hands of the Council could harbour a fondness for those that do its dirty work. Rather than pity, he despises anyone so empty of moral fortitude or self-respect that they sign on to the Guard and allow the Council to fill them with their nefarious purpose instead.

 

Jihoon’s loathing of the Council takes the form of a deep abiding fury that will never be doused, and instead its flames reach to cover all those with connection to it. The officials at Court. The Guardians overseeing their ‘rehabilitation.’ The members of the religious Order who ritualise the brutality of the Council. The informants in his village who had condemned his parents for so much as daring to use herbal lore to tend to a sick child.

 

Had it been anyone else who found themselves in that emotional entanglement, Jihoon would have labelled them a liability and cut ties immediately.

 

But it’s Jieqiong, the first friendly face he’d known when he arrived here as a shell-shocked young thing, sickly from his time at the Council farms where he’d been exposed to the taint of whitestick day in and day out. She would bring him water and tend to his fever, and as he regained his health enough to join the rest of the residents, he gained, too, a soft spot for her.

 

They cannot blame Jieqiong for suffering an unforeseen pitfall of what they had asked her to do. If there is anyone to blame, it is Jihoon for not anticipating and protecting her from it when he integrated it into their plans.

 

As much as there is a part of him that disparages how she could let her guard down, let herself develop affections for someone who has his hand in the oppression of people like them, there is still a part of him that is sympathetic. The routine squadron rotations sent the Soldierguard away, reassigned to a village in the Highlands, and left Jieqiong more hurt than inconvenienced over the departure of their source of intel. His new station is still close enough that he could visit her during a weekend of off time.

 

But he won’t.

 

And she knows it. Knows there’s no way he could contemplate coming back for a Misfit like her, let alone explain to the Guardians the reason for his visit.

 

Maybe if she’d been someone else, he would have left his post - wouldn’t have needed to - and they could have settled in the Highlands; the kind of normal life Jihoon knows she’s dreamed of. But there is no chance of her securing the Certificate that would have her leave this place. Like most of them, she was arrested before she could even reach adulthood, let alone think about applying for the Normalcy Certificate, and once your Misfit status has been legally confirmed, there is no undoing it. The Council Court doesn’t make mistakes.

 

Except, of course, when it does.

 

Except for the times it convicts those who have become an object of evil in the eyes of their narrow-minded neighbours, for little or no difference. Except for the fact the Council does not even truly realise who they should be looking for. (At least in this, Jihoon has found himself lucky.)

 

Casting a glance over the other occupants of the dining hall, Jihoon knows there to be only a select few whom the Council should really be scared of. Most are unfortunate to have borne the brunt of the Council’s misguided abhorrence for difference. Their fear that the wrath of the One, His punishment for the transgressions of the Oldtimers, is still manifest in each new generation. Caught in the net of their social cohesion policy, are those a little slower than others, perhaps. A little less focused in the schoolhouse than was thought they ought to have been. Those whose appearance differed, even at birth. Only a minority at Taebaek House have, like Jihoon, capabilities that they themselves do not fully understand yet. Jihoon is under no illusion; unlike the others, he is meant to be here, he knows it.

 

The irony being that had the Council known, none of Jihoon’s sort would be here; would instead have been the recipient of the harshest of all sanctions, as warranted by seditioners and other perceived threats to the Council’s authority.

 

Instead, newly registered Misfits become an expendable labor force for the Council, farming the whitestick - remnants of the fallout from the Wrath, when the One had wrought destruction that poisoned and scorched the land. Though harmful to the naked skin, whitestick was of use as fuel, or even in things such as sleeping draughts once rid of its poisons. Some are lucky, or unlucky, enough to be transferred to Taebaek House for treatment for their Misfit ailments.

 

The notion of re-education, of rehabilitation, is a farce and Jihoon’s sure not even the Council truly believes it possible. After all, no one who has presented at Court seeking reclassification has ever been successful. Not that they’ve heard of anyway. He doesn’t imagine it would suit the Council if those they have conditioned society to reject were suddenly considered redeemable. What does suit them, however, is the additional revenue acquired from selling some of those it convicts to Taebaek House. They have little investment in the outcome of the Doctor’s treatments so long as potential troublemakers are kept out of sight, just as out of mind as they are considered to be.

 

_/They’re here./_

 

Jihoon is broken from his thoughts by the arrival of another, directed to him by the boy seated on his right. Though they are close enough to whisper, Woojin knows Jihoon prefers to be cautious. Even though the arrival of the replacement Soldierguards is already the talk of the compound given the rigidity of routine ordinarily, it wouldn’t do to be heard paying it too much interest.

 

_/Only three or four, apparently. Hwi saw them riding in last night./_

 

_/Is the new head security officer among them?/_ Jihoon asks, wanting to confirm the intel they’d received from Jieqiong’s beau before he’d departed.

 

_/From what we could tell. Young for his rank, bit of a looker./_

 

Kuanlin muffles a snort of amusement from his place at the other side of the breakfast table, informing Jihoon that the younger boy must be listening in from Woojin’s side.

 

Farseeking is not one of Kuanlin’s abilities. Instead, he possesses a greater affinity for the perception of emotion, an all too literal manifestation of empathy, rather than for thought communication. Consequently, Woojin often does him the courtesy of directing the echoes of conversation over to Kuanlin’s mind so that he doesn’t miss out. It’s a thoughtful gesture that Kuanlin appreciates, but Jihoon wonders if he’s able to sense Woojin’s eagerness to take up any opportunity to farseek him or talk with him in general, necessary or otherwise.

 

A little impatiently, Jihoon extends his awareness outside the dining hall and, as expected, he encounters four pinpricks of consciousness stalking down the corridor towards them. He lingers around the one in the lead, curious as to their rank, but what he encounters is something far more worthy of his curiosity.

 

It’s not unusual for some minds to have a natural block; one that would be no trouble for Jihoon to force his way through should he desire to, but opaque enough to obscure the surface level impressions he is able to pick up from everyone else without entering their mind. It’s not unusual, but what strikes him is that, even as his probe glances off unheeded, there is a distinct note of familiarity. Not quite a colour, almost like a scent. An echo of a memory of a voice; an impression of an impression.

 

One he can’t quite place, even as it tugs insistently at his insides. It puzzles him, and Jihoon reasons that perhaps among the new guards is one whom he encountered while standing trial at the District Court. Though the hypothesis does little to satisfy the strength of the emotional pull.

 

The face that comes into view as the new contingent enters the hall is one that deals Jihoon an almost physical blow in its familiarity. Yet it is not one he had seen from the holding pen as he awaited his hearing. Instead, it is one Jihoon knows all too well, one he sees even now in his dreams, though it has matured with time.

 

Black hair swept aside to reveal eyes that never had trouble seeking Jihoon out, no matter where he chose to hide. Eyes last seen filled with the tears of powerless frustration. Eyes that now, even at this distance, shine cold and shrewd such that Jihoon only recognises them for the ghost of what they used to be, the joy and affection they used to show.

 

That insistent tug in Jihoon’s gut does not relent, now so powerful as to threaten to unravel him entirely, from the inside out as he takes in the implications of what he is seeing. Tries to do so as impassively as is conceivable when his world has just been tilted irrevocably on its axis.

 

Woojin has noticed the way his tablemate has stiffened and leans into his side in a way that lingers too long to be anything but an offer of reassurance, a confirmation of solidarity, in spite of the fact that the giver is unable to discern the true source of the recipient’s torment. In any other place, perhaps this comfort would take the form of an embrace or a hand to hold but physical affection out in the open never has been wise in their circumstances. A press of a warm, bony shoulder and the cultivated linguistics of meaningful glances are what the residents of Taebaek House have instead.

 

Nonetheless, Jihoon barely registers the gesture. He watches with nauseating trepidation as his childhood friend, his sole protector should he ever have had such a thing, takes his place at the entrance to the dining hall, hand resting on the shortsword at his hip as he exchanges greetings with one of the Guardians. The beaten pot-metal band on his arm glints tauntingly in the wan morning light that streams in through the windows, declaring his allegiance as strongly as if it were a brand.

 

Jihoon watches the man survey the occupants of the dining hall with a steady, speculative gaze. All it takes is a blink, and suddenly Jihoon finds his staring returned, that stony gaze locked onto his own in a way that makes him feel more than seen, as if Daniel is looking into the depths of his soul where the shameful remnants of his childish daydreams still lie, like downtrodden yet persistent weeds among the dirt.

 

The eye contact raises goosebumps on his skin, and the sense of foreboding that washes over him stays, even after Daniel has looked away.

 

Jihoon of all people should know by now, that some dreams do come true ー although not always in the way one expects. Some dreams take time before the veil is lifted to reveal the seed of nightmare at their core. But once seen, there can be no denying, no preventing, what has already taken root.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading, if you've made it this far! ♡♡ feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments: anything that was confusing, anything you liked, anything you didn't - i'd love to hear about it xx
> 
> while you're in the Nielwink tag, make sure you check out all the other works being posted for @nielwink_month! i'm steadily working my way through them all and loving every word^^


	3. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update took longer than i hoped but it's here now! ♡♡ thank you LillithEvans for beta-ing, i appreciate you so much ;;
> 
> it's my intention to include content warnings at the beginning of each chapter where applicable. i didn't identify any for this chapter, but if there's something you would like me to flag here or in future updates that i may have missed, please let me know^^
> 
> happy reading♡

The truth is, no one, not even Jihoon, knows the full extent of his potential. What his mind can do that others’ can’t. For some abilities, it feels as if they have come naturally ever since he took his first breath in the world. Perhaps they entered him then; with that first breath, like a gasp of a curse instead of air, or so the Order would likely have him believe. Jihoon has long since learned that, while demons can certainly dwell within people, they look more like greed and senseless cruelty than the special abilities that have set him apart since birth.

****

Other abilities, meanwhile, have developed and strengthened with time, triggered by particular events or experiences. Sometimes Jihoon wonders if there are more to come, if each of them ― him and the others ― are slowly but surely progressing towards attainment of the full array of possibilities. (He doesn't know how to feel about that; whether to anticipate or fear it.) Though if he ever, for instance, were to develop the ability to reduce a person to a pile of burning ashes with only his eyes, surely it would be now.

****

Daniel may have looked away, but Jihoon cannot bring himself to do the same; to shift his gaze from the person he used to trust most in the world besides his parents. The longer he looks, the more he must acknowledge the diminishing likelihood that the situation will peel away into something more palatable. Something less stomach-churning. Less like the nightmares that plague his sleep.

****

He finds himself staring so intensely across the dining hall at the other man that it's as if he seeks to burn holes into the back of his head. Part of Jihoon wishes for it, for Daniel to be reduced to dust by the gaze he had dared to meet so blankly. But part of him whispers in warning, reminds him he ought to be careful what he wishes for. He should know by now not to allow untethered emotion to influence the coil of power in his mind.

****

Maybe if he could, though… maybe if he was able to drill into Daniel’s head with his eyes alone, he would stand a chance of seeing what makes him tick. Of understanding just how he has found himself at Taebaek House in the service of the Guard that had been so great a cause of fear and loathing when they were children. The Guard known to pillage and murder in the name of the Council; a supposedly righteous crusade against anything that challenges the sanctity of their conception of normal. The Council that has taken everything from Jihoon and those like him; their livelihoods, their loved ones, their humanity in the eyes of others.

****

That is with whom Daniel has aligned himself, and that is all Jihoon needs to know to determine their enmity, no matter what they may have been to each other before. Every thought and feeling that has ravaged Jihoon since Daniel stepped into the room now coalesces into a single sentiment:

****

Hate.

****

Jihoon hates this man whose gait is at once familiar and estranged; now weighed down by the office he holds with confidence as much as by the hefty sword at this hip. Jihoon hates this man who has sold out for the promise of coin and the delusion of power.

****

Jihoon hates this man all the more for the boy he used to be.

****

The contrast is nauseating. The before and after of Kang Daniel is too jarring to bear, but Jihoon doesn't need to see into Daniel's thoughts to know that what motivates him cannot be any different from that which drives those with whom he stands shoulder to shoulder. The result speaks for itself. There is only one path to where Daniel is now.

****

Jihoon is reminded of the block he had encountered moments earlier when he attempted a reading of Daniel’s surface thoughts. He knows, given enough mental power, that he could break through, but not without Daniel knowing ― most likely not without causing irreparable damage to his mind ― and while Jihoon cannot bring himself to care about Daniel’s wellbeing, he has an appreciation for refraining from creating more problems than he needs to.

****

The initial shock that had overtaken him is swiftly replaced by the anger that wells up like blood from an open wound. He does not give himself time to entertain denial, knowing it would be fruitless. Despite the time that has elapsed, no growth spurt or loss of baby fat could disguise the man’s identity from Jihoon, even in so unexpected a circumstance as this.

****

He would know his Daniel anywhere.

****

Although clearly, this Daniel is no longer ‘his’, and perhaps, never has been.

****

His new-found loathing for someone he used to call a friend rises within him so strongly he swears he can taste its metallic tang on his tongue, before he realises that in his shock and subsequent fury he’s bitten his lip harshly enough to draw blood.

****

It's the taste of his own blood in his mouth that breaks the focus of his thoughts, enough for him to once again take in what's around him. Enough to register the hunch of Kuanlin’s shoulders, to notice the way his knuckles have turned white from gripping the edge of the table as he struggles against the increasingly violent current of Jihoon's emotions. Guiltily, Jihoon tries to beat his emotional state back down into submission for the second time that morning.

****

Though cast adrift and defenceless in his dreams, at least in waking, Jihoon has been able to temper the heights of his emotions, to prevent discomfort to the empaths in his vicinity. Most often, that would be Kuanlin, who himself has been practicing constructing his own protective barriers. 

****

Before coming to Taebaek House, before realising there were others like him and learning strategies to cope, Kuanlin had been almost catatonic from the stress of it all, day in, day out. Kuanlin himself had shared that with them in a soft, gentle tone from beneath the covers, whispered lightly into the heavy silence of their dorm room.

****

How the toll his abilities was taking on him was eventually too severe to hide, though at the time he had believed it some sort of sickness rather than a special ability of the mind. How his family had surrendered him to the authorities soon after. How he could feel in every bone in his body the immense relief they felt as he was taken away.

****

It has gotten easier with time, helped along by the environment of Taebaek House where far too many of their peers seem not to experience any strong emotion at all, one way or the other.

****

_“It's eerie,"_ Jihoon recalls Kuanlin confiding in him once. _“Hollow enough for me to feel only an echo of myself. It's silent inside some of them, like a graveyard.”_

****

The words alone had raised the hairs on Jihoon's arms but Kuanlin had seemed less perturbed by his observations and simply just ― sad.

****

As successful as his defensive efforts have been so far, it's harder for Kuanlin to block out that which belongs to those he is familiar with, those he cares for and would call friend. Which is why it's so important Jihoon master his own emotions when around the other boy.

****

Ironically, until now Jihoon has prided himself on that control as a particular strength of his, but just the sight of Daniel seems to be bringing all of his efforts undone.

****

For all the discomfort Jihoon has caused him, his hate burning inside of not one but two people, when Kuanlin looks up at Jihoon there is only a mixture of concern and confusion in his eyes. He may have a literal sense of what Jihoon is feeling, but he doesn’t have access to the reason behind it. Though none of them are overjoyed at the arrival of the new Soldierguards, Jihoon’s response is no doubt far more vehement than what Kuanlin would expect to read from him.

****

To the best of his ability, Jihoon tries to send his friend a look that is at once both apologetic and reassuring. Before he can decide whether or not to reach out to Kuanlin’s mind - _what would he say? how could he explain?_ \- Head Guardian Kahi calls for attention. There is no hubbub of chatter for her to cut through but her voice is, as always, as sharp as her piercing gaze.

****

“Before today’s work begins, there are some introductions to be made.”

****

Though Jihoon can’t say he has ever seen her look exactly happy, her displeasure with the announcement she has been tasked to make is still abundantly clear.

****

“No doubt you have noticed the new faces who have joined us this morning. You will do well to remember them as from now into the foreseeable future, Officer Kang and his team will take charge of disciplinary operations here at Taebaek House. Anyone found stirring up trouble, anyone so much as thinking about breaking the rules that keep us all together here in harmony, will have to answer to him for it.”

****

Jihoon stops breathing at that. In his periphery, he can see his tablemates stiffen.

****

It seems what little intel they’d gathered was wrong, at least in part. The incoming Soldierguards are not purposed primarily for security, for the precautionary protection of the Taebaek household staff as they had been in the past. Instead, the intent is to strengthen the discipline dealt out against the residents whenever they let a toe slip out of line.

****

Until now, the Guardians have seen themselves as sufficient executors of punishment in the household, arbitrary though they may have been. In the past, Soldierguards - of whom only two were usually stationed at Taebaek House - would only step in when a distressed Misfit posed a threat to the Guardians or other residents.

****

Something significant must have changed for the status quo to shift, for that power to be placed in someone else’s hands.

****

It’s clear that the Guardians are less than comfortable with this new arrangement but nonetheless, Jihoon knows he and the others have reason to fear what it means. It is all too possible that it is _their_ supposedly confidential machinations which have triggered this upheaval; that the rotation of Soldierguards is less routine than they initially assumed. It is all too possible that they have been found out.

****

Daniel does not speak from where he stands at the Guardian’s side, simply inclining his head in acknowledgement of her words. His eyes flick from one person to another as he looks out over the seated residents but, either by intent or good fortune, they do not return to Jihoon, and the latter finds it in himself to be relieved. To draw attention to himself would be even more dangerous, now that the stakes are so much higher, though there is every chance that it's far too late for such precautions if Daniel truly did recognise him at first glance.

****

It was difficult to tell, from their brief moment of eye contact, whether that was the case. Whether Daniel looked at him and saw anything that would light a spark of recognition as to the chubby-cheeked child who had trotted after him so often back in Maru. Ever since his branding as a Misfit, Jihoon has been reminded again and again that he is subhuman and should be treated as such. For all that he has railed internally and externally against the injustice of it ― when it comes to Daniel, for the first time Jihoon sincerely hopes that someone has looked into his eyes and seen absolutely nothing of worth.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Most of the work Jihoon is assigned to is out on the farm, so he has little cause to be near the Mainhouse during the day, and - he hopes - little chance of encountering Daniel. Under the supervision of only the farm overseer, the cluster of farm buildings at the edge of the furthermost field is one of the few places Jihoon feels safe these days. Save, perhaps, for the times Woojin has engineered a prank with Jihoon as his target. But even then, there is a warmth that comes with the freedom to joke around in a way that would not be possible in the suffocating halls of the Mainhouse.

****

After a couple of nights the horses that brought the new Soldierguards all the way from the Capital to the Taebaek Mountains are transferred to new accommodations. From the smaller stable attached to the Mainhouse to the larger barn where they will stay in the long term. Jihoon has spent much of the morning thus far tending to the new arrivals, assessing their health and their potential to assist with labour in the valley for the foreseeable future. He is in the middle of inspecting the hooves of one of the stallions when he receives another visitor. This time very much unexpected, though dreaded nonetheless.

****

The silhouette that appears in the doorway, face obscured in shadow and backlit by the light outside, is unsettling in its own right but when the person moves forward and their features come into better view, they are no less intimidating.

****

Officer Kang inclines his head in greeting, but offers no explanation for his sudden appearance as his watchful eyes take in the barn’s interior. Fear strikes Jihoon deep in his gut that this visit is intended as a confrontation. Alone with Daniel and the horses, Jihoon's heartbeat seems to be trying to raise an alarm, with how loudly, how frantically, it is beating.

****

Swallowing nervously, Jihoon releases the hoof of the horse’s right foreleg and stands stiffly upright, almost as if at attention. “Officer Kang,” he greets, expression guarded and tone similarly blank. “Is there something I can help you with?”

****

The Officer’s eyes cease to roam and flit back to meet Jihoon’s sharply. “Ah, yes, I’m simply here to check if Rooney is...settled.”

****

_Rooney..._ Jihoon doesn’t yet have names to ascribe to each of the new arrivals, but from the way Daniel’s eyes linger on the stallion at Jihoon’s shoulder, he concludes that that must be the equine companion in question.

****

“O-oh, of course,” Jihoon replies, heart thudding oddly at the exchange; so tangible an interaction after all this time apart and yet of so little substance, so little consequence in the scheme of things. Joltingly, he bends to shift his tools elsewhere and see to another of the stable’s residents. “Let me just―”

****

“No need.” By the time Jihoon looks up, Daniel has moved closer ― too close for comfort, in fact, now that Jihoon has stood up again. “Continue as you were, I won’t disturb you. I simply wanted to...say hi.”

****

The older man reaches out to pat Rooney’s neck, as if to illustrate his point, but all it does is make Jihoon feel caged in.

****

He nods jerkily, avoiding eye contact and ducks down again to resume his work, holding his breath as he waits for Daniel’s boots to move away, further along Rooney’s flank. He waits to see if Daniel will say anything more; will speak aloud the recognition, and consequent condemnation, that Jihoon fears and _knows_ to be his undoing.

****

Jihoon doesn’t like the way it feels to be kneeling in the hay at Daniel’s feet, with his heart in his mouth as he tries not to shake.

****

Somehow, it’s the worst place he has ever found himself.

 

Worse than the Council jailhouse, or the workhouses or the whitestick farms ― or even Taebaek House itself. He has been at the mercy of those without any far too many times, but this is freshly intimate in a way that hooks at his insides and pulls in all different directions. Because this time it’s _Daniel_ and Jihoon is sick to his stomach from the bizarre intensity of it all. A waiting game he may very well be playing alone.

****

When Daniel’s steps take him away as Jihoon predicted, he finds himself able to breathe a little easier. Shaky hands more resolute in their hoof inspection without his nightmares looming over him. As time passes though, Jihoon grows curious, having not heard even the barest murmur from Daniel towards the object of his attention. He chances a glance up.

****

Jihoon’s not sure what he expected.

****

For Daniel to speak to his horse in the affected tone he had adopted with animals when they were kids, honey dripping from every syllable? (The one he had used with Jihoon in his more tender years, when the younger looked about to cry over a grazed knee. It had usually chagrined rather than comforted, but either way the tears would disappear.)

****

No, that sweetness, as put on as it may have been at times, doesn’t suit this Daniel. The softness of his regard as Jihoon remembers it is too stark in contrast to the sharpness of his adult features, the precision of every movement of his body as if Daniel himself were a weapon.

****

Yet, as Jihoon dares to watch, there is an undeniable tenderness to the way Daniel strokes Rooney’s flank. Soothing; as if he is at once coaxing trust from his steed and letting his own vulnerability seep through.

****

The gaze that settles on the horse as it noses at Daniel’s face is far more easily decipherable than the one Jihoon had been confronted with the dining hall.

 

It is not one of a man who shows disdain for the animal that has been conscripted to serve him in his duties. Instead, it is one of consideration — as if he sees the stallion almost as some kind of equal, worthy of care for its own sake, not for the sake of the benefit he can reap from its full health.

 

None of the other Soldierguards have stopped by to check in on their steeds and Jihoon wouldn’t expect them to. It likely hasn’t even crossed their minds.

****

In anyone else, the consideration Daniel is showing for Rooney would be indicative of the kind of person Jihoon tends to trust; a humility and gentleness he finds himself drawn to.

****

But in Daniel, it is an attribute he finds nothing short of repulsive. The uniform Daniel wears speaks volumes for his character and Jihoon has no hesitation about the presumption; as far as he is concerned, it is an objective observation. A fact, like any other.

****

Water is wet. There are wolves in the mountains. Soldierguards have blood on their hands.

****

Whatever mercy may dwell within Daniel, it is reserved only for animals. He does not extend that privilege to others of his own kind. Either he chooses not to ― or, after all this time, he simply is no longer able. Jihoon’s stomach rolls. He’s not sure which he finds worse.

****

So lost is Jihoon in superimposing memory over the current moment, that when Daniel glances up he is too slow to look away to avoid their eyes meeting. To avoid being caught staring at the man he has vowed to himself not to draw attention from.

****

Jihoon looks down quickly, heart thudding from being caught.

****

He returns with renewed interest to the hoof he has, by now, evaluated exceedingly thoroughly and sincerely hopes his face is not as red as it feels. He doesn’t dare look up again to assess Daniel’s reaction, merely hoping that the man had thought him staring into space or something of that sort. It is usually second nature for Certificate holders to presume Misfits a little absent of mind. He has no reason to think Daniel’s misconceptions would be any different.

****

The silence continues, dispersed temporarily only by a sigh from the other man. Jihoon’s neck crawls as it does when someone is watching him. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Daniel’s boots shift but he does not pause in his step as he passes Jihoon and leaves, seemingly satisfied with the bonding time he’s spent with his steed, or what in the name of Wrath that whole ordeal had been.

****

Daniel has left as suddenly as he came, but even as the minutes stretch by with no sign of the Soliderguard’s return, Jihoon remains frozen in place. He rests his forehead against the warmth of Rooney’s foreleg and concentrates on breathing.

****

He wishes Woojin were there to rest a reassuring hand on his shoulder but, by Jihoon’s own instruction, they have all resolved to avoid each other as a precaution from now on. As soon as that breakfast was over, Jihoon had gone into damage control.

****

They need to be doing everything in their power, pun intended, to allay any suspicions that the Guardians, or worse the Doctor, might have about them. Meaning a cold cut on any physical or verbal contact, no matter how seemingly innocuous. No greetings or glancing or giving each other the time of day in any way. Even the luxury of sharing a table at meals, which thought communication has allowed them to do without drawing attention to themselves, can no longer be afforded.

****

To the outward eye, they need to be strangers. Casual acquaintanceship is still too much in a place where cold estrangement is the expected status quo, even between those who have been living under the same roof for years.

****

Companionship, let alone collusion, is frowned against at Taebaek House, despite its purported aims. If it truly seeks to rehabilitate its charges so that they might one day have hope of reintegrating with society, then would developing healthy social interaction not be an important part of that process? Apparently not.

 

Although, Jihoon knows that few of them still retain belief that the establishment seeks some kind of remedy on the scale it claims to envisage ― the treatments are too selective, too few and far between, for that to be true. Too ineffectual, though it may be possible that the intentions of the Doctor simply do not align with his skill.

****

The Doctor doesn’t make himself known to the Taebaek residents in any way that would allow them to ascertain what kind of person he is. Not what he looks like, let alone what his motivations might be. Though they always know when he is in and out of residence, only those chosen for treatment have met him, and they do not speak of him after their first appointment, or any that follow. Forbidden, most likely. Though some have instead appeared sincerely unable to remember.

****

At least, that’s what they had found with Somi. Jihoon still hasn’t seen hide nor hair of her since her last appointment, although Daehwi insists she has not left the Mainhouse and its surrounding property, or else he’d surely know. It’s a cold comfort when she hasn’t been seen at meals for days, but there is a guilty relief that sits in Jihoon’s chest when he acknowledges her absence has made their new strategy of estrangement easier to execute.

 

Jihoon is not sure how he’d handle her bewilderment - and hurt - at the way they were all suddenly treating each other and, out of similar necessity, treating her. He can’t inform her in the same way he did the others, nor can he risk being seen passing it on in person even if she did appear.

****

Truth be told, Somi, through no fault of her own, had begun to be left out of the loop regarding more important developments as soon as they realised she’d drawn attention from the Doctor.

****

They’d all agreed it would be a necessary precaution if it ever happened to any of them, given how little they knew. About what took place in the Doctor’s chamber as a means of ‘treatment’, or about the likelihood they’d be able to continue to keep secrets in its wake. It’s part of the reason Jihoon has refrained from farseeking her, in spite of his concern for her welfare.

****

But Somi isn't the only loose end giving Jihoon cause to worry. Sungwoon said he'd take care of it, but Jihoon is still concerned about what will happen if they can't meet their contact in a few nights time. It's a tenuous relationship to begin with, all the more so for the fact that, as far as Jihoon can see, the Taebaek House Misfits have more to gain from it than the other side.

****

Jihoon isn’t without suspicions because of the imbalance, but it’s a connection long-established before he even arrived at Taebaek House. Sungwoon has met the man with the mark, the three dots near-perfectly aligned in a triangle, many times before. Jihoon trusts Sungwoon and, by extension, those that Sungwoon himself has deemed worthy of trust.

****

After all, Sungwoon, the farm overseer, had been the leader of their little gang of Misfits when Jihoon arrived. He was the one who’d approached Jihoon, seen a kindred soul in him; not just his abilities but his knack for strategising and brought him into the fold. Jihoon soon became a protégé of sorts, until the two of them naturally fell into their current partnership.

****

Sungwoon and Jihoon are the ones looking out for the others, spearheading their plans. Sungwoon and Jihoon are the ones who will take the fall if it all goes to pieces.

****

Sungwoon is certain it won’t; not because he’s some kind of unbridled optimist, but because he knows success can be realistically within their grasp, if only they have the determination to see it through. As long as they are prepared enough for every eventuality. Sungwoon is always steady, grounding, whenever Jihoon wavers under the influence of the anxious hypotheticals he can become lost in spinning in his head.

****

Sungwoon is like the older brother he never had. Well, at least since—

****

_No_ , Jihoon decides, as he remembers the callous set of Daniel's shoulders as he stood in the dining hall. Remembers the bold armband, the restless fingers grazing the hilt of a sword as if itching to use it.

****

_No._ If Jihoon has ever had an older brother figure, it has only ever been Sungwoon.

****

And yet, Jihoon has not found himself able to confide in Sungwoon about Daniel. He knows he should; knows that it is a tactical game changer, and not for the better, and as such Sungwoon at the very least _needs_ to know.

****

But Jihoon can’t tell him. Something stops him, everytime.

****

Something not altogether unlike shame.

****

Jihoon makes a habit not to speak of his past. He makes a habit of that _now_ , but in the early days, it was different. When Sungwoon had been digging to find out where Jihoon had come from in order to know just what kind of person he was, whether he could be trusted, he’d spoken of Daniel amongst everything else.

 

Not by name, but he knows Sungwoon will figure it out easily enough all the same. That the figure Jihoon, even as recently as a year or two ago, had still had faith in to return, has done just that in the worst permutation imaginable. That the one who had saved young Jihoon back in their village, time and time again in every way but one, has now become not just an instrument, but the likely perpetrator of his demise.

****

Sungwoon isn’t one to pity easily, but Jihoon fears that perhaps his situation may be the exception.

****

It’s not a good enough excuse for the omission, so Jihoon finds others. He’s biding his time until he knows just what Daniel remembers. If he recognises Jihoon at all; and so far, it seems he doesn’t.

****

Aside from Daniel’s visit to check on Rooney, their encounters have, thankfully, been minimal. Daniel has shown absolutely no sign of a difference in regard towards Jihoon compared to everyone else. Not even when Daniel had been receiving a tour of the farms from Sungwoon and was introduced to Jihoon by name, along with the other regular workers up there. He hadn’t even so much as blinked.

****

Jihoon should be relieved. Glad, even.

****

Jihoon does not want to be recognised.

****

Jihoon does not want to be remembered.

****

He doesn’t.

****

( _He shouldn’t._ )

****

Yet as much as he himself tries to put his old recollections of Daniel to death as callously as had been done to his parents, he cannot deny there is something sore about being the only one to remember.

****

It is not the right kind of sore, though. Not the right kind of hurt, so instead Jihoon presses on it like a thumb to a mottled bruise until it transforms back into anger.

****

Anger that Daniel can so easily forget the boy he had sworn to protect, the parents of whom had treated him as their own until their very last breath.

****

Anger that instead of using the carpentry skills he had learnt from his father to build for the prosperity of their village, Daniel has ordered the ominous construction of a disciplinary platform in the courtyard of the Mainhouse.

****

Anger that Daniel has arrived at Taebaek House with the express purpose of robbing Jihoon and his friends of their plans for a future, even if he does not know it.

****

He keeps that flame of anger burning low and steady within him; allowing it to fuel his determination, to remind him that he does not need Daniel to ‘save’ him. Not anymore.

****

Jihoon is working towards his own salvation, carving it out with his very own hands, and he will succeed without, and in spite of, Kang Daniel.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When Sungwoon stops by the stables where Jihoon has been mucking out the stalls for the past hour, he must see something in his face that gives away his headspace.

****

There is more room to breathe out by the barns and silos, fewer watching eyes, given the Guardians’ distaste for spending too much time out in the elements, especially as the seasons change. Moreover, those who serve them as informants tend to be the weedy, sickly ones, ill-suited to farm work even if their ears weren’t put to better use up at the Mainhouse.

****

Unlike those with other roles, Jihoon can relax his near constant apprehension a little during his work day, and he gladly accepts the way Sungwoon ruffles his hair in affectionate greeting. The Guardians trust Sungwoon to oversee most of the _outside_ affairs and consequently he is probably the only member of their group Jihoon is safe in talking to at the moment. After all, the supervisor can’t be seen to be neglecting his workers.

****

“Nora didn’t give you a hard time today, did she?” the older inquires lightly. It’s friendly conversation on the surface, but Jihoon knows Sungwoon is prodding for what might be on Jihoon’s mind.

****

Pausing in his shifting of hay, Jihoon leans against the handle of his pitchfork. “Only about as much as she always does,” he replies with a grin.

****

“Should I have a word with her about putting you through the ringer?” Sungwoon places his hands on his hips, making for the image of an earnestly disappointed father.

****

“We both know she listens to you better than me, but no need. She’ll come ‘round.”

****

Sungwoon looks skeptical at that, just as he does whenever Jihoon insists the stubborn old mare will eventually take a liking to him.

****

/ _Y’hear that Nora?_ / Sungwoon directs to the equine in question, who is currently out grazing nearby. / _Our Hoonie here thinks you’ll take to him one of these days. What do ya reckon?_ /

****

/ _Tell him he’s dreaming_ / comes the reply.

****

“Nora says you’re dreaming,” Sungwoon passes on with a cheeky grin.

****

“Tell her to come and say it to my face.”

****

Although Jihoon shares Sungwoon’s ability to speak with animals mind to mind, he knows that Nora is less than receptive when it’s Jihoon making the effort.

****

Though when Sungwoon conveys the sentiment, Jihoon can feel Nora reach out to him as if to comply with the request. Only to find that her response is simply to send him the mental equivalent of blowing all of the air in her lungs out through her nostrils. Just as she does to Jihoon’s face on occasion to annoy him. It’s a bizarre sensation and it leaves Jihoon slightly dizzy after she gleefully withdraws.

****

Whatever expression graces Jihoon’s face after the encounter, it draws a genuine laugh out of Sungwoon who shakes his head, a fond smile on his lips. “I admire your persistence.”

****

“Thanks, it’s my best quality.”

****

“Oh, I thought it was your eyes?” Sungwoon teases, still refusing to let Jihoon forget the poetics one of the girls in Jieqiong's dorm had waxed about him when she thought he couldn't hear.

 

They have their suspicions that she's an informer, though, so at least he has an excuse to keep his distance.

****

Jihoon rolls his eyes and tries not to blush from embarrassment. “Come on, no flirting ― you’re meant to be my superior after all.”

****

“‘Meant to be’? I _am_ your superior, and don’t you forget it,” Sungwoon postures exaggeratedly. “I’m going to go find someone who respects my authority. Like Woojin.”

****

Now _that’s_ a joke if Jihoon's ever heard one. “Yes, please,” he invites, entirely deadpan. “Keep telling me how I should take after Woojin.”

****

Sungwoon snorts and half-heartedly kicks some of the hay in Jihoon’s direction. “Alright, back to work. Before you start having too much fun and one of the Guardians senses it from all the way up at the House.”

****

“Mucking out the stables. Yes. Fun."

****

“Glad to know you love your job,” Sungwoon tosses over his shoulder with a wave as he leaves.

****

Watching the older man go, Jihoon finds his face has relaxed into a smile instead of the tight, pensive expression Sungwoon probably witnessed when he first arrived.

****

It’s a natural gift Sungwoon has, to brighten a person’s mood like that. The value of which Jihoon has come to appreciate as much as any of the more unconventional abilities he has. It’s much needed, too, at a time when the social mobility of their friends is limited out of self-preservation.

****

Though those that can still farseek each other do so, the otherwise isolation they have had to impose for the time being stings. Enough to remind Jihoon how lucky he is for the companionship he has been able to find at Taebaek House against the odds. Given the choice, none of them would be here but that doesn't mean their days are wall to wall misery from the moment they wake.

****

Even the early starts have their perks; the sunrise over the mountains, even on misty mornings, never fails to paint their valley gold. The sight of it, along with the intake of crisp, cold air it induces him to take, is almost enough to convince him that the farmland laid out below him, even the Mainhouse stark in the distance, could be a place of belonging built from the hard work of their own hands.

****

The illusion doesn’t and cannot persist beyond those quiet moments in the early morn, but that and the other rays of sunlight that shine into their weary days is enough to keep them going. It may not be here, but there is a place out there like that. They’ll find it, or they’ll make it. Either way, there will finally be somewhere for them to belong.

****

Jihoon hopes that one of these days, he’ll dream of it. Not the place he has left, and not the prison of now, but of that Somewhere they have hope of.

****

But if Jihoon is ever to be graced by pleasant dreams of that sort, it isn’t that night. He doesn’t get the chance to find out. Just as he’s drifting off, limbs and thoughts alike weighing heavy after the exhaustion of the day, he feels something scratching at his temple.

****

It takes him longer than it should for his sleepy consciousness to realise it is not a physical sensation. It takes him longer than it should for him to realise that someone is trying to enter his mind.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! feel free to leave your thoughts in the comment box ♡ how do you feel about Daniel? who do you think is trying to enter Jihoon's mind at the end of the chapter? Concrit is always welcome too ♡


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